Essential Braai Tips-Braai Month By Gabriel Sithole
My TOP 10 Braai Rules for our Heritage Month
1. If you cannot light a match, against a strong wind. Stand far from the braai area. Nerds are cool too. Really they are! A nerd owns Facebook. Nerds own Apple.
2. If you are the braai master for the day, you must be able to hold a beer on the one hand, hold the tongs on the other and still be able to hold a conversation with your braai-buddies without burning the meat.
3. A good braai consists of vegetarian, red meat, white meat and seafood. One mealie and a skewer does not count. In fact those are called “thermometers”. They merely check if the coal is hot enough to start the braai.
4. Braai fire is a sacred space. Mind your language! No one wants to know about your new car, or new job, or your new house where we braaing right now, or the debt you are in. You are amongst humans, be human. Have a conversation. Rugby chats are allowed! Soccer chats are allowed! Petrol price chats are allowed. Old, embarrassing stories from school are most welcomed.
5. Only trash-talk the braai master after you’ve eaten. Unless you on a diet.
6. It’s polite to buy a Braai Master his own six pack. His skills will guarantee you a full tummy.
7. Leave the cellphone in your car or at your own house. Why? Read point 4 again!
8. Never advise a Braai Master on how to braai. You don’t like it if the street window washers advise you that, your clean windscreen is dirty…and needs to be cleaned BY THEM. The principle is the same here.
9. If one of the rules on the braai invite says “Bring beers”. Do just that! Ciders and jelly tots flavoured diesel mixtures are NOT BEERS. No tequila or shooters either. If we wanted to “live La Vida Loca”…we’d all still be listening to Ricky Martin.
10. The success of a good braai is judged by the following:
a) The amount of people who arrive sober and leave merry.
b) The number of explosive, unified laughs at any given moment during the braai.
c) The same amount of people who attended the braai….all texted you to say they are home safe.